just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
