R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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