I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
