I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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