I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
