My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
