And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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