i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
