worst night to have a conscience
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
