We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
