I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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