My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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