So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
