get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
