As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
