Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
