Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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