I like to think it a success when the cops are called
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
