fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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