I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
