He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
