I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
