the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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