how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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