If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I understand Curling. That high.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
