Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
