haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She announced her abortion via fbk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
