She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think your dad took our porno
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
