I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
