Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well you can't waste a boner
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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