My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
