wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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