I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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