please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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