So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
