Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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