go do what you do best...puke behind churches
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
