we're chasing vodka with high fives
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
