That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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