Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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