I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
