tell your sister to shave her snatch
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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