Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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