i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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