Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Send help, water and tortillas.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
