I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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