I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
