I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
