My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
