Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
