i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
