Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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