i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
