he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had sex on a roof
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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