she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize