A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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