after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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