my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
