i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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