he thought i was a dude.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
