just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
