i think i have herpe
just one?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
