My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This house was built for laser tag.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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