dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
