I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
