Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
