The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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