can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
