dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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