They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize