so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I deserve this hangover.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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