apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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